Everyone has a role to play in stamping out bullying, but the bystander has one of the most powerful ones. By Denise Roberts
Worried parents
Concerns about bullying are constant for parents. When parents ask their children ‘How was school today?' what they often really mean is, ‘Were you safe today?'
If it sounds daunting, don't blame me. According to the charity Parentline Plus, bullying is the concern that tops the parenting poll, everytime.
Findings show that fear becomes particularly acute as children head off to high school. This time of change can bring great excitement for parents and their children as well as anxieties of what awaits them.
The Bystander
In previous years the emphasis of anti-bullying was on the bystander. American author and lecturer Barbara Coloroso, noted for her work on the dynamics of bullying, says the bystander has the power to either aid and abet the bully, or to become the peacemaker.
But she shows that it isn't that simple when she retells the story of how a little girl once spoke up for a younger sibling being bullied at school, and afraid to tell, only to be told by the teacher: ‘Now, Rosie, we don't squeal here!' I wonder where children got the idea that says it isn't cool to tell.
Children look at ways to stamp out bullying
The dynamics of bullying throws up challenges on all sides (see Coloroso's box), but if we can get kids to ‘develop a code of compassion' we're half way there, if we can develop caring schools an involved communities, we're a third of the way. That's Barbara's hypotheses.
Suggestions include: set up an anti-bullying poetry competition; get students to create their own anti-bullying policy; create a series of anti-bullying assemblies - a different year group could lead the assembly each day of anti-bullying week; set up an anti-bullying poster competition; get the children to start an anti bullying campaign and to publicise it in local media; and, join up with other schools in the area and organise an anti-bullying conference for the students. Motivation to get kids involved could be fuelled by giving prizes and all of the ideas would teach the children vital communication, social and interpersonal skills.
Now, the only group not mentioned in Barbara Coloroso's cycle of dynamics is the parents. Parentline Plus' campaign, ‘Be Someone to Tell', though sounding like a call to the bystander, is actually about showing parents that they have someone to speak to about their concerns.
The campaign will look at what parents really worry about, offer tips from parents who have ‘been there', and promote the charity's parent-to-parent support services, plus its family of leaflets and web material on bullying.
