Eating together is often the only opportunity for the family to talk, share experiences, laugh and have ‘family time.' Talk is the glue of family life and if family members don't talk to each other the bonds between them grow weaker.
Dinnertime with the parents, what teen wants to be drilled about their day, their new boyfriend or told off for wearing too much make-up when they could be watching the new episode of Desperate Housewives or gossiping with their best friend on the phone? Typical teenage behaviour you might say, but if the stats are anything to go by, then it seems that many parents aren't too keen on the idea either.
Once the central event on a family's social calendar, the humble family meal is fast becoming a thing of the past, pushed off the agenda by overtime, chores or pure fatigue.
‘Once I've dragged myself home from work, done the chores and popped something in the oven, I tend to fall asleep in the living room with a tray on my lap,' says one busy working mum-of-three. ‘The kids eat in their rooms or whenever they come in.'
Now the Government has woken up to the impending extinction of this great British pastime and ministers are touting the family meal as one of the central tenets of their campaign to put respect back into British society.
According to the statistics, this move couldn't have come at a better time. Only one family in five eats together once a week or less, according to a survey of over 2000 families by parenting website, raisingkids.co.uk.
And even when families do eat together, three quarters of them are watching television as they eat. In fact, only 25 per cent of families say they never watch TV at mealtimes.
Meanwhile, the arguments for the entire family to pull up chairs and eat together couldn't be more persuasive.
By simply spending that 30 minutes together children can have longer conversations with parents - which can increase their linguistic abilities, giving them an edge in the classroom. Family meals also enable children to develop healthy attitudes to food and allow parents to monitor what their children are eating, therefore lowering the risk of obesity or eating disorders. Research shows that setting aside a time where experiences can be shared will also foster family tradition and strengthen bonds meaning, in the long run, that children are less likely to veer into anti-social behaviour.
So why, despite its obvious advantages, are families spending less time than ever at the dinner table?
Dr Pat Spungin, parenting expert and founder of parenting website Raisingkids, realised the need for the campaign after hearing teachers complain about pre-school children eating in front of the television and starting school with no social skills.
To address this Raisingkids launched an annual campaign, Back to the Table week, a few years ago and have won the support of HRH The Prince of Wales and Gordon Ramsay.
‘These days both parents and children have increasing demands on their time,' Dr Spungin explains. ‘At home, children spend more time alone with their own TVs, computers and music systems, and less time doing family activities.'
She adds ‘Although most families say they sit down together for meals, a very large proportion of them have the television on. They follow the lives of families in Albert Square and Coronation Street and pass up the chance to find out what's going in their own home. Eating together is often the only opportunity for the family to talk, share experiences, laugh and have family time.'
Teacher, mother and author of Toxic Childhood, Sue Palmer blames the ‘splintering' of family time on modern technology. ‘These gadgets are all very seductive and it is increasingly difficult for a family to spend any time together at all,' she explains.
In fact a Raisingkids survey carried out in 2004, found that children as young as seven have a wide array of audio-visual equipment in their bedrooms. 83 per cent have a CD player, 75 per cent have a television and 59 per cent have their own DVD player. Worryingly, 42 per cent of children have a computer in their bedroom, despite the advice of experts that children should use computers under the supervision of their parents.
‘The family is being splintered off - and I use this term intentionally as it is an advertising term. Companies want us to be at different places in the house at the same time, the child watching cartoons and Dad watching football, so that they can be marketed to more efficiently,' says Sue.
So what can parents do to compete with all encompassing technology when it comes to spending time with their kids?
‘I find it hard enough to get my teenage son to say a few words to me that aren't grunts in between talking on the mobile or downloading music to his iPod. I don't know if I'll be able to hold a conversation with him for more than 20 minutes if we sit down together,' says single mum Rachel Carr.
Sue Palmer advocates simple techniques for communicating with children, especially those at difficult stages of development and she believes that parents would be surprised by the results.
‘We have forgotten how to be with our children and it is important that we listen and try not to educate them all the time. We need to learn that surly teenagers will be surly teenagers and we need to try to meet them on their level,' she says.
On an experiment done on the Oprah Winfrey show in 2003, five families volunteered to eat dinner together every night for a month, staying at the table for a half-hour each time. Though sharing meals was a chore, by the end of the month they planned to continue dining together most evenings, if not every night. Importantly, parents were shocked at just how much their children valued spending time with them.
‘The human child will always crave adult attention,' Sue explains. ‘Though most adults have busy lives, and the first instinct is to rush home, put a dinner in the microwave and eat in front of the TV, we all need to learn to slow down and focus on our children.
‘We are a social species and throughout history the ritual of preparing and eating food has always been central to human development. We must not lose sight of the fact we need social engagement. Communicating with children at the dinner table, particularly young children, will set them in good stead for fostering relationships outside the home.'
As well as increasing communication skills, by putting aside time to spend together and regularly speaking to each other, children will find it easier to approach their parents about difficult topics, says Dr Spungin.
‘Talk is the glue of family life and if family members don't talk to each other the bonds between them grow weaker. There are things children don't talk about easily, like bullying, sex and relationships, school worries, and if the habit of talking is not established, children may not ask for their parents' help,' she said.
And while it's not possible for families to sit down to dinner daily you need not lose touch with your kids completely.
An alternative may be sitting down and chatting with them while they are eating, or having family meals on the weekend when everyone is home. Another option may be to make breakfast the meal where the whole family eats together. Eating out regularly can also help.
Dr Spungin says: ‘The most important thing is to make sure your child knows that you are always willing to listen to what they have to say. Spending time together while you eat is an important step to building that shared and lasting bond.'
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