Antonia Chitty, author of ‘What To Do When Your Child Hates School’, gives some good advice on settling your child at school.
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When your child can't drag himself out of bed, and has to be taken kicking and screaming out of the house, you know it's back to school time.
The early days at school can be extremely stressful for parents and children, and for some reluctant children, this early unhappiness can last much longer. Don't despair - there are things you can do to prepare your child, many of which will help older children as well as those entering reception for the first time.
- Start by chatting about going to school in general terms. Point out other children on their way to school, and read stories about going to school. Your local library will have some if you ask the children’s librarian.
- Then, get your child involved in choosing their uniform. Take the opportunity to ask them open questions about school: you might get some interesting insights into their hopes and fears.
- Practice getting the uniform off and on so that your child can cope when changing for sports. Choose clothes and shoes with simple fastenings which are within your child’s capabilities rather than deciding this is the month to learn about shoelaces.
- Many children are worried about school lunches: ask for the menu in advance and talk about how fun it will be eating with your child’s new friends. If your child has packed lunches, pack them together.
- Most schools settle new children into reception gradually, offering short days or mornings to start with. If you feel your child won’t keep up with the schedule offered, ask the school if you can collect him or her early – most schools should be amenable to this sort of request.
- Get to know your child’s teacher well right from the beginning, and let them know if there are any issues that are worrying you. If teachers are made aware of potential problems in advance they can find ways to manage situations effectively.
What to do if your child is distressed at starting school
If your child struggles when you try to leave them at school, there are a couple of options. The simplest one - which may be toughest on you - is to say goodbye firmly and cheerfully and leave your child at school as planned. Reception teachers are well used to dealing with children who don’t want to separate from their parents and the majority of four or five year olds will settle within minutes. If you are worried you can phone the school and ask whether your child has settled.
There are a few children who take much longer to settle. If after the first few days or weeks your child still isn’t happy at being left at school, make an appointment to talk to the teacher. She may have a range of strategies to suggest: some parents and children find it helpful if the parent stays for longer in the mornings but this needs to be agreed with the class teacher first.
As well as talking to the teacher, listen to your child. When my daughter started school I’d ask her a couple of questions after each session, “What was good at school today?” and “Was there anything not so good about school?” Small children sometimes find it hard to remember everything they did, but I’ve found these two questions help to draw out positives as well as any problems. If you find the same issues are coming up every day, mention them to the teacher.
Born too late
Some children are just not ready to start school with their peers. Many local authorities now offer part time nursery places for children from three and reception places after their fourth birthday. If all children start in September, some of those with summer birthdays may find it hard to keep up. If you have concerns about your child’s readiness for school, it is still important to fill in school application forms at the same time as everyone else, or you may find all the places are filled. Your local authority will write to you about applying for a school place, or you can fill in an online application at www.direct.gov.uk. Once you have been offered a place, request that your child starts later in the school year, and the local authority should keep their place open for them. Ask for this to be confirmed in writing, and remember that children must start education the term after their fifth birthday.
Useful websites
ww.parentscentre.gov.uk
‘What to Do When Your Child Hates School’ by Antonia Chitty, is published by White Ladder Press, £9.99, available from www.whiteladderpress.com
